Well, hallelooyer ladies and gentlemen, the city of Tulsa, Oklahoma has something to celebrate with the arrival of a Women’s National Basketball Association team. The Detroit Shock folded due to the economic hardship, paving the way for Tulsa to purchase the team and move it to the Midwest.
However, the team is yet to be named. Of course it won’t be the Shock…probably something edgier and more reflective of the area.
That’s where I come in. I’m going to write a letter to the great folks at the Tulsa WNBA office with my incredible suggestion for a nickname, and send it to them pronto. But I’m going to let you see it first, after the jump.
Ain’t I kind? Enjoy.
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Dear Ownership, Operating Staff and Shareholders of the Tulsa WNBA Franchise:
My name is Bradly Bojangles and I am a lifelong fan of the sport of basketball. I congratulate your fine city on landing a professional team of your own in the form of the yet-to-be-named Tulsa Women’s National Basketball Association franchise. I can only imagine the feverish (no intentional reference to Indiana) anticipation of your city for the 2010 season to begin.
When one thinks of the sport of basketball, many things come to mind. For me, I visualize graceful sky hooks floating through the net without touching iron, rim-rocking dunks that bring a charged crowd to their feet, and individual scoring performances that would singlehandedly decimate another team.
The WNBA has helped bring many other facets of the game of basketball to mind that are, in their own right, very memorable because they reflect my own basketball skills as a non-professional 25-year-old male amateur basketball player. I smile when I see banked-in three-pointers that somehow find the bottom of the net, layups that carom off the top of the backboard and clank around five times before falling through, and slow development of an offensive set that leads to either a turnover or an airball.
Ladies and gentlemen, I felt encouraged to write this letter to you, the shareholders and ownership of the Tulsa WNBA franchise. I write with a significant interest, having friends that reside in Northeastern Oklahoma and having myself lived in Southwest Missouri for a time.
I will cut right to the chase in expressing the intent of this letter. The Tulsa WNBA franchise has yet to be named as of this point in time, and I believe I have a nickname for the team that can combine many elements into one whenever the name is mentioned.
Humbly, I present to you the following moniker: the Tulsa Titty Twisters.
Before you deride my idea or write me off as an overpassionate fan who may be taking his feelings for the game a bit too far, allow me to explain my reasoning behind the nickname, which is four-fold:
1. Titty reflects the gender of the participants of the sport, and the weight of the males who comprise the fan base. Marketing opportunities would be off the charts…the likes of which I shall leave to the imagination.
2. Twisters is a nod to the severe weather that punishes Oklahoma each year and leaves many frightened and in fear, much like the faces and body structure of your athletes to young impressionable children.
3. Titty Twisters, both words combined, is an homage to a prank played between two or more males when they grab and twist each other’s chest area. It is extremely painful, much like the fan experience of any game in the Women’s National Basketball Association (and my own basketball games as well).
4. Simple alliteration. Three T’s united to create a memorable “roll-off-the-tongue” effect, etching a unique team branding in the minds of many.
As an amateur graphic artist, I am currently hard at work on a mock-up of a small hand twisting an ever-so-slight nipple on a basketball while lovingly finger-rolling it into the basket. I must admit I’m finding it slow going at the moment as the curvature of the ball must be sensualized in order to reflect the human form. Should I just leave the work to your graphic artists?
Please accept my idea for the team moniker the Tulsa Titty Twisters as a heartfelt token of congratulatory laughter that your town has landed a basketball franchise with as much collective talent as myself and whatever four people I decide to pull together and play pickup basketball.
I await your response to my proposal with eager, childlike anticipation.
Sincerely,
Bradly Bojangles
**Disclaimer: This is strictly parody and in no way reflects a hate for women’s sports, the female form, or tornadoes. Actually, most WNBA players would beat me handily and I readily admit that.
Hahaha! This is hilarious. Almost as funny as the WNBA player who went for a dunk and broke her ankle. Okay, one of the rules in comedy I learned in drama class was, “Pain is funny when it happens to others.” But honestly, I look forward to not watching a season full of lay-up attempts.
Dude,
This is so funny. I appreciate your humor. Even more, I respect that you have the same issues with James River that I do. Materialism has gripped that church. Bigger, better, and beautiful is the underlying theme…all in the name of God. “We want to give God our best! Only the best for God” All in justification for more? When is enough, enough? I would love to hear a sermon on “the meek shall inherit the earth, the rich young ruler, or how it’s easier for a rich man to go through the eye of a needle then to enter heaven” Nope, your not going to hear it there. Chris don’t give up the good fight. I doubt if Jesus himself walked through the door of JRA if he would be recognized. Then again, that could be said of many churches in America. And, I’m afraid I’ve also bought into the lies of consuming, purchasing, and materialism…we have so much, we’re drowning in it! Truely, if we want to find Christ…he’s with the down and out, the poor, the hopeless, the people that most of us don’t want to associate ourselves with. We really need to rethink what it means to die to ourselves and live for Christ. And first, I point the finger at myself.
Wow, pretty judgmental. How about the verses that say, “The riches of the wicked are stored for the righteous,” or when God speaks of tithe he said, “I will rebuke the devourer.” Look at Israel in the old testament and how rich they were when they followed God. Also, Jesus wore a “seamless robe” which in their day was like wearing designer clothes. Also, Judas was in charge of carrying the money bag, signifying that they did have money and were not poor. Maybe you guys shouldn’t put God in a box and understand that to those who have been faithful in little will be faithful in much. JRA started with around 15 families. They have grown to this because God is blessing them. Don’t be jealous that they have the ten talents and your church only has one. God gives us enough to be responsible with. He wants our cup to be over-flowing. I would really recommend the both of you watch “Would Jesus Wear a Rolex” by Keith Moore. It will open your eyes to scriptures on wealth not spoken of often in church.
Wrong post for JRA comments, guys. Come on now.
My bad.