We all know what awesome miracles Jesus was able to accomplish in the Bible. He healed countless sick people, raised a guy and girl from the dead, and even told a whole lake to stop messing around.

One of his best miracles, however, was when he was preaching the Sermon on the Mount. Tons of people gathered to hear the Word, and Jesus ended up feeding over five thousand people on a kid’s lunch of five loaves and two fishes. He broke the bread and it just kept multiplying.

That would have been a crazy sight to see…can’t believe so many people forgot to even bring something to eat.

I’m sure Jesus had his disciples helping him out, but I think in the interest of efficiency and saving time so he could get back to preaching, I’m sure he had some auxiliary help. You know, like possibly some very fast guys who could get somewhere in a hurry.

Enter Tecmo Super Bowl.

Yes, I’m talking about the grand NES classic from 1991 (I was 7 years old). The football game was probably the most advanced ever made on the 8-bit Nintendo — it could keep season-long stats, had full player rosters with their health condition, had injuries and fumbles, you name it.

It also had its fair share of glitches and quirkiness. Who can forget the insane trick you could use to “lurch” across the line of scrimmage? Or Bob Nelson from the Green Bay Packers destroying everyone in his path?

The people in the NFL who were fast in real life were absolutely unstoppable in TSB. Which made me somehow think of the loaf and fish distribution Jesus needed some help with back in the day.

I mean, come on, you’d be able to easily distribute that much with guys like this:

These guys, I’m sure, served as ushers for the Grand Fish Fry back in the New Testament.