VACATION IN TEN DAYS! BE EXCITED!
Ok, enough about that fact, let’s focus on something serious here.
I am currently suffering from a serious medical malady known as Impending Vacation Induced Burnout Excess Disorder, otherwise known in the medical community as IVIBED (pronounced I-vibed). This is a rather dangerous medical condition in which people looking ahead to an extended amount of time off of work are fraught with such ailments as checking the clock constantly, staring off into space, a severely short attention span, and a loss of short- and in selective cases, long-term memory. Most of these symptoms are only present at one’s place of employment.
IVIBED has been known to affect roughly nine in ten people who are facing an impending vacation. The one this does not affect, usually turns out to be the person who checks work emails and consistently frets about happenings back in the office while on vacation. In which case, that person has something mentally wrong with them, and it’s much worse than IVIBED could ever be.
There is no medicine or cure for IVIBED, although some supervisors and bosses have attempted to remedy their subordinates’ symptoms through rather tough means such as being stern, yelling and in some cases threatening with discipline. Try as they may, IVIBED is very hard to overcome — symptoms have been known to increase exponentially until the person’s arrival at the destination of their self-imposed respite.
One young man I spoke with, Cedric Sebulba of Cooter, Missouri, said that a friend of his who shall remain nameless suffered from IVIBED not more than two weeks ago.
“His eyes rolled back into his head as he sat at his desk,” said Sebulba. “I was sitting there, shaking him and trying to get him to wake up but he just kept talking to himself, trying to remember directions to the Space Needle. The Space Needle isn’t anywhere near Cooter.”
Sebulba said that once his friend’s vacation started, he appeared to regain use of his mental and physical faculties.
The same was the case for Bradly Bojangles of Hooton Town as well. Bradly was suspended without pay by his boss after driving a delivery truck straight off a bridge into the James River. He was found floating down the river and looking straight up at the sky…his wife said he was due to go on vacation the very next day.
IVIBED is a very serious condition, and I hereby ask all my friends to monitor me, and all my colleagues to monitor everyone in the newsroom for symptoms of this very serious syndrome. Don’t let it kill our productivity — as if these furloughs aren’t doing that enough already.
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Comments ( 12 )
[...] Hold on, here comes an IVIBED attack. [...]
The Throes Of (Unofficial) Summer added these pithy words on Jun 17 09 at 9:38 amI’d look out for you if I weren’t myself suffering from this malady. Pretty much year-round.
Ian McGibboney added these pithy words on
Jun 14 09 at
5:46 pm
Follow-up:
I contacted the CDC and they said this has already reached Pandemic levels, especially in newspaper and television newsrooms across the globe.
Chris added these pithy words on
Jun 14 09 at
5:59 pm
You are a brilliant writer.
I wonder if this disease is related to senioritis?
Charlotte added these pithy words on
Jun 14 09 at
6:36 pm
CB: I dunno about you, but my furlough days gave me a 4-day weekend (and thus, a trip to Louisiana) and will make for a 3-day weekend for me. Watch me, Monday, as this will be my final day before that 3-day furcation.
Charlotte: I’m sure it’s a similar chain such as senioritis. I forgot all about senioritis! But THOSE were the DAYS!
Stephanie added these pithy words on
Jun 14 09 at
11:40 pm
I think this is an attitude problem, not a medical condition.I never had this, but I think Yoga and meditation may help resolve your problem. It seems like an anxiety attack. Maybe, before you go on a vacation, take a mini vacation after work, say a few hours after work, somewhere near where you live. This way you are conditioning your mental attitude & you may see vacation as part of recharging yourself.
All the best. Good luck
Peter Manian added these pithy words on
Jun 15 09 at
10:23 am
When we would near our rotation date home from overseas, a lot of us caught a variation of IVIBED called “short-timer’s disease”.
Almost the same symptons.
Bus Plunge added these pithy words on
Jun 15 09 at
10:38 am
Peter–
I’m not so sure it’s an anxiety attack. I have been seen by many a professional who have assured me that my symptoms are very similar, although not as severe, as many other patients. They could not tell me exactly what some symptoms were due to HIPAA regulations, but they said some people had even been known to repeatedly bash their heads against walls and even pound inanimate objects in frustration.
I try to relax by drinking many cold lemonades and stare at the trees in my backyard before playing a relaxing round of disc golf. However I never make it past Hole 4.
I want to beat this disease sometime in the next nine days before it gets the best of me.
Chris added these pithy words on
Jun 15 09 at
1:24 pm
Peter, my brother is just writing a gag dude. He isn’t serious. Just his creative way of saying he can’t wait for vacation.
Jason E. Brewer added these pithy words on
Jun 15 09 at
1:31 pm
Brother man, I love how you used a Star-Wars name.
Jason E. Brewer added these pithy words on
Jun 15 09 at
1:33 pm
Jason, thank you for the credit but I would appreciate if you would take my medical condition a bit more seriously.
Do you laugh at Tourette’s or call it a gag?
I think not.
Chris added these pithy words on
Jun 15 09 at
1:57 pm
Haha. I’m calling your condition out. It’s pretty obvious.
Jason E. Brewer added these pithy words on
Jun 15 09 at
7:47 pm
