Many of you know that I transitioned from attending church at James River Assembly back to my original church, Crimson House, a little less than a month ago. The transition has been seamless, and as a side note I am happy to report that Nick, Evin and I are all functioning like a happy family once again. Praise God for healed friendships!
What I find weird is that out of the large number of friends that I made at JRA, only a select handful still keep in touch. Those of you know who you are and I am eternally grateful for you. As for the rest of you whom I’ve tried to contact but haven’t heard anything back, shame on you. Yes, I said it, shame on you, for multiple reasons.
What I do realize about the place is that although the teaching is solid and the pastoral staff does a good job of bringing about the Word, the very fact that JRA has a subculture of its own is very polarizing — either you love JRA or you absolutely detest the place. The place has its own social ecosystem. Spend a few weeks there and you’ll see what I mean.
Is that a bad thing? Certainly not. However, I just didn’t think the subculture there would cause some people to not look outside their own social circle and realize that they still have a friend who albeit doesn’t attend their church anymore, still would like to stay in touch and hang out every once in awhile.
For a church that proclaims that despite its size it’s only a small part of the body of Christ, the actions of some really make you wonder. It’s the whole concept of “out of sight, out of mind.”
It happens in every church, believe it or not. I am regularly in touch with only a handful of people from New Horizons, Kelso and Lakeside combined. However, the ratio of the friends I made at JRA to the ones that still keep in contact is mind-numbingly shocking. What is even more shocking is that even with all the young adults I befriended, the age group consisting of the most people I have communicated with since I’ve left are late 30’s to middle age, and even some older folks. Heck, Wally my good friend even stopped by Crimson House, God bless him.
I’m just spilling my thoughts, and as I said before I am shocked and saddened that some people have let a good friendship go by the wayside because I no longer attend their church and it’s no longer convenient to stay in touch.
And yeah, I’ve tried to get a hold of some folks to no avail. That speaks everything, at least to me.
Bud this happens in all walks of life not just church. People live busy lives for the most part. And it is very easy to stay connected with people that you see on a regular basis. If you are plugged in with a group of people it is more likely that you hear from these people more often.
Don’t throw all the people from JRA in the same lot with those who don’t contact you anymore. I know that the first time you attended CH you felt disconnected from people and then you left and that feeling continued. But now you are back and you’re plugged in more it only makes sense that you have better relationships going on.
Not everyone feels a need to communicate as often as you may prefer. I have come to realize that true friends remain true and constant no matter what. However this does not mean that everyone has the same social connecting needs that you do. You have always been a very social person since you were a child. So cut people some slack, out of sight out of mind doesn’t always mean out of their hearts or lives.
True but notice that at the end I was focusing more on the disparity between the older folks and the younger ones, and how the older ones have been more consistent in communication.
Is that a trait that comes as people mature? Do younger people just not “get it”?
At any rate there are still some great people at JRA and I hit on that in my post. I am just still very surprised at how I’ve been gone nearly a month and those that I have talked about have not contacted me once.
Yes, but I was focusing on what you said in the beginning and the middle. Just teasing you.
Anyway I am just not sure as to why some people stay in contact and others don’t. Sometimes I am great at it and then I get going in another direction or some speed bump comes along and I slack off for awhile.
As far as younger people go you got me. With all the means of communicating you guys have it way easier then we did in the pony express days.
All that being said I do know this. You are a good friend, so stay in touch and if you don’t hear from some people don’t “write” them off. They may be busy or something, and if they do contact enjoy it and keep it at that. Relationships change, people change, so stay true to yourself and your friendships will be just fine.
With all the means of communicating you guys have it way easier then we did in the pony express days.
That’s why I am so baffled that I haven’t heard from some of these people at all. I am absolutely perplexed.
Me too come on over and we’ll talk about it! :)
Ok so i took a few minutes as i am waiting for the DVD to rip for my Demo reel, and read some of your blogs.
This one struck me and i really do understand where you are coming from on all issues about having the polarity and how the clique’s do happen and all even at the big church that is supposed to seem small!
I dont agree with all of what happens and i cant always understand why things are done the way they are. but one thing is for sure and you nailed it you either like it or you despise it!
You and I had just barely become aquatinted and next thing i know you are gone to another church! (could be that i got married somewhere in there too!) but i really have enjoyed getting to know you and i am glad that i am not on that “SHANME ON YOU LIST” atleast i dont think i am???
well hopefully soon i am going to have guys night and some of those shamers will be there too? but i look forward to many years of friendship with ya!
Nate,
You are far from the “shame on you” list. You’re one of the better people in this world man! We will get together sometime when our schedules do not conflict, I promise.
Bud this happens in all walks of life not just church. People live busy lives for the most part. And it is very easy to stay connected with people that you see on a regular basis. If you are plugged in with a group of people it is more likely that you hear from these people more often.
Don't throw all the people from JRA in the same lot with those who don't contact you anymore. I know that the first time you attended CH you felt disconnected from people and then you left and that feeling continued. But now you are back and you're plugged in more it only makes sense that you have better relationships going on.
Not everyone feels a need to communicate as often as you may prefer. I have come to realize that true friends remain true and constant no matter what. However this does not mean that everyone has the same social connecting needs that you do. You have always been a very social person since you were a child. So cut people some slack, out of sight out of mind doesn't always mean out of their hearts or lives.