Monthly Archive for May, 2008

Today, the cast of the children’s television show Sesame Street is mourning the loss of Big Bird. Authorities say Bird, 40 years old but always 7 in mental capacity, was hit by a patrol car while taking a break from filming “Follow That Bird 2.”

Funeral arrangements will be made by Jennie-O and Foster Farms.

——–

Actually, in all seriousness, here is the Missouri Highway Patrol press release that made me snicker a bit…I couldn’t help but be reminded of Big Bird.

The Missouri State Highway Patrol reported that one of its patrol cars was damaged when it hit a bird in Cedar County Wednesday. There was no information about whether the driver, Larry D. Stoddard, 31, of Springfield, was injured.

The report stated that Stoddard was driving the 2007 Ford west on Cedar County N, four miles east of Caplinger Mills, when he drove upon a large bird standing at some road kill. The bird took off and struck the car, damaging the windshield, driver’s side mirror and spotlight, according to the report.

The damage from the incident is estimated at $500 according to the Patrol.

Driving laws are pretty common across the board throughout the United States. Wherever one took driver’s ed, they learned how to properly signal, brake, shift to another lane, etc. Here in Springfield, Missouri, though, I am fully convinced the driver’s license offices have another criteria for being able to pass the exam.

I’ve heard many times that in Springfield, the only thing you have to do to get your driver’s license is pretty much say and spell your name. To actually be able to drive, you must possess a set of non-skills that will infuriate immigrants from other portions of this great nation and points beyond.

Here is a partial list of things I have seen just in the past three days here in Springfield. Bear in mind these are not elderly drivers either, and that’s what is really scary.

- On the on-ramp from Hwy 60 in Republic to the James River Freeway, I followed someone who proceeded at a 40 MPH clip, braked, then when there was no traffic, slowly accelerated to the speed limit on the freeway — which is 70. Said driver then proceeded to flick me the middle finger blessing as I passed him. Three miles down the road, he pulls right behind me and flashes his lights. I continue to brake and box him in between myself and a semi truck, all the way from Kansas Expwy to National Avenue.

- At the intersection of Sunshine Street and Glenstone Avenue, I was once again following an incapable driver. The traffic light was stale green, so the man in front of me has this novel idea to brake already (even though the light is still green!!!!!!!!!1111one) because the light is apparently gonna turn yellow soon. By doing this, he causes many an angered driver to lean on their horns and nearly causes a wreck. That wasn’t the worst part…he delayed my trip to the mall by 5 minutes. I needed to buy pants.

- On Hwy 60 driving into Republic from the James River Freeway, the road around 5 PM was congested. Not due to normal rush hour, mind you, but because of a John Deere tractor — in the left lane.

- On Sunshine Street near West Bypass, a man in a beaten-down Ford Econoline van drove in both lanes for well over 1/4 mile.

- I was gomered (passed on the right by ten cars, it’s the most ultimate disgrace while driving according to Jason and I) along with about ten other drivers on Glenstone headed north from James River Freeway due to a man who kept driving in the left lane with his blinker on. He proceeded to swerve in and out of three consecutive left turn lanes.

- I won’t even go into detail about the folks who see a cop under the National Ave. viaduct on the JRF. Speed limit’s 60 and they must feel Holy Ghost conviction because they all go about 45.

- I also routinely see cars fly through intersections when pedestrians have the right-of-way and are walking through them. This happens most often downtown.

- The right shoulder can be used to turn right off of a major highway, but I am sure most Springfield drivers do not know this. Mom and I encountered a paint truck who decided to lollygag and tie up traffic by driving about 45 in a 60 zone, then slowed down to a crawl still in the right lane before he turned.

As you can see, Springfield is unique in its crappy driverdom. Any other Springfieldians have similar experiences?

Flashback from ‘05: Me and…our next President?

Before I begin, I would like to state that today I honor and appreciate each and every military member who gave their life for this country’s defense. Life itself is the greatest sacrifice of all…Jesus even said that no one has a greater love than to give his life for his friends — and I can imagine that includes those who die helping people they don’t know.

God bless ‘em all.

Today I’d like to share a story about how the Lord saved my life in Iraq — if it wasn’t for this and two other instances, I would be one memorialized and remembered on an occasion such as today.

I don’t normally share any stories from the war publicly. I saw enough to make anyone go insane, but with the grace of God, these memories are something that I remember yet not dwell on. Instead, I choose to remember the instances where the hand of the Lord plucked me from danger, and as such I feel okay to share one story. You should feel blessed to read this. :)

It was a warm day and our convoy was heading south in the daytime from Baghdad to go to Mahmoudiyah. It was a civil affairs tour, meaning the soldiers I was embedded with were going to go check the progress of reconstruction projects in the Mahmoudiyah area. The route to Mahmoudiyah from Baghdad was a heavily-traveled highway, and on this day the right lane was occupied with people proceeding south for one of their holy days.

Naturally, traffic was slow and it ground to a halt multiple times during our trip, so we would cross over the center dividers, wave off oncoming traffic and plow through. It was an amazing scene — cars scurrying off to the side while the convoy gunner waves his hand and brandishes his 50-cal. Traveling the wrong way on a one-way road normally isn’t encouraged, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

What to do? Roadblock ahead, any of these cars could be laden with explosives…

Brilliant idea! Drive into oncoming traffic!

It took us awhile to get out of Baghdad, and we made it safely to the southern portion of Mahmoudiyah, where we handed out Beanie Babies for the kids and I filmed the event for a feature story. It was great to meet the local kids and families, and we shared a few laughs over my ineptitude at soccer — seriously, these kids were gooooooood.

After the Beanie Baby handout was completed, we proceeded south past the city itself, then checked up on a rebuilt school. Everything looked okay there, so we went over to an apartment complex-type building that was being redone after insurgents had gunned down entire families. I didn’t dare venture inside, but the soldiers told me what they saw was enough to last them a few years.

On our way back into Mahmoudiyah, we traveled across a bridge, then came upon the main part of the town. Over the other end of the bridge, we felt a bump, then a BOOM. Not an earth-shattering boom but it certainly didn’t help allay my fears of riding in the convoy’s lead vehicle. The Humvee rocked a little, but we drove on.

We drove through the town and back to a small Army outpost just south of Baghdad. We chatted it up for a bit over dinner, embraced the opportunity to make new friends, got some shut eye on the floor of a tent, woke up the next morning and received our briefing for the next mission.

During the briefing, it was confirmed that we ran over a roadside bomb that had only partially detonated. How it only partially detonated, no one had a clue. I couldn’t help but shudder at the thought of what would have happened had the entire IED detonated. I probably would have only been identified after a few days of searching and them poring over dental records after finding my molars.

This was taken from a point just north of where we ran over the IED.

The testimony behind all this is the fact that God Himself saved me and my friends from what could have been a harrowing incident, and I have since used this as a tool to share with others what the Lord had done for me in one of the scariest times of my life.

Initially when I realized the gravity of what happened, what could have been and what wasn’t thanks to the Lord, I began to cry and cry…I don’t think I’ve ever cried like that since. I remember being prayed for at my family’s former church here in Springfield before my deployment, and the Lord spoke to me and told me he was going to take care of me. I just never imagined he meant anything like this.

There were two other times God saved my life from certain death, and you’ll have to ask me about them sometime. Let me just say that the Lord proved Himself to me and I have maintained a strong faith in Him since…because I now know why He saved me in more ways than one, and it’s because my work here isn’t done on this earth.

Except for my trip to Vegas to get my car four weeks ago, and a trip to Tulsa to pick up my mom from the airport in February, I haven’t ventured outside the immediate Springfield area since I moved here last August — and by immediate, I mean about a 40-mile radius.

Is that a good or a bad thing? I’m not sure.

Off to bed for me — I work tomorrow after singing in two services at the stately-looking JRA.