Chalk up my living the single life to not even paying any attention to the fact that today — er, yesterday, since it’s now 2:13 AM — was Valentine’s day.

While it means that yes, I didn’t have to spend any money that I don’t currently have on someone, it also means that I don’t have anyone to spend any money I don’t have on. Kinda sad when I think about it that way, but really honestly at second glance I am in no position to even remotely search for the love of my life at this point in time. I’ve got some stuff I need to work out first.

But time is growing short. Bear with me here as we calculate this together.

According to Table 27 of the CDC’s Chartbook For Trends in the Health of Americans, since I was born in the same era that made Prince a star and Olivia Newton John was getting physical with everyone, my life expectancy is 70.7 years.

70.7 years, let’s just round up to 71 to make this easier and more optimistic. So 71 years x 365 = 25,915 days to live.

My current age is 23 years and roughly 200 days. 23 x 365 + 200 = 8,595 days that I’ve already lived.

Now take that 25,915 days that I can be expected to be on this earth and figure that 8,595 of them are gone already and I’VE ALREADY LIVED 33.1 PERCENT OF MY LIFE WITHOUT HAVING FOUND THE RIGHT ONE FOR ME.

My situation is dire, and I will leave it at that.

On another note, have any of you ever seen the movie The Ringer? I find it quite hilarious and I must admit I am not with the times — I saw this movie for the first time a week ago.

I wish I could get a hug from Katherine Heigl about now. Sigh.