The World According To Chris Brewer

The 2008 Presidential Election is going to be a tough time for our country. Wait, no, it already is. People are fighting more than ever, within their own parties no less, over who should get top billing in their party for president. Obama or Billary? McCain, Romney or Suckabee? Everyone’s going crazy and paying more attention to presidential primaries than ever.

And why shouldn’t they? Our country is in dire times. We are in the middle of a war that we have absolutely no business throwing money and bodies into, our economy is in the toilet and the only solutions being proposed are to devalue our dollar and inject more funny money into the system, and President Bush’s second administration has been downright horrible — horrible enough that I have forsaken the Republican party.

It’s going to take our nation a loooooooong time to get out of the hole we’ve dug for ourselves. We can’t pull out of Iraq overnight, the economy won’t stabilize in a week and President Bush doesn’t leave office for another year.

Sigh.

Looking over all the presidential candidates, I can’t find one that truly impresses me. I don’t like McCain’s stance on immigration, Romney appears too soft, Suckabee panders too much to the far right-leaning crowd, and unfortunately Paul doesn’t stand a chance.

On the Democratic side of things, Obama talks an awesome game but is relatively unproven, Clinton is a sociopath and Edwards stands no chance.

So who do I support? After looking over all the prominent names who are running for president, I decided to put some huge thought into some less popular candidates who I know support my ideals and can begin to turn things around for our nation.

Check out who it is, after the jump.

Mickey Mouse! He can guide our country just as well as he guided that steamboat, and do it all with a happy whistle as well.

Unintentionally involved in nearly every presidential election since he was created in the late 1920’s, Mickey Mouse is a timeless image and icon of the greatness and creativity of our nation — ideals we must return to. We must remember what made us great as a nation, why everyone looked up to us before 2003. Ronald Reagan made a successful jump from the screen to the Oval Office and there is no doubt in my mind that Mr. Mouse can do the same.

The World According to Chris Brewer and its editorial staff wholeheartedly endorse Mickey Mouse, Independent, for President of the United States in 2008.

Here are the three main points I like about Mickey Mouse for President, legitimately:

He cares for everyone. Have you heard Mickey Mouse ever utter a bad word about any creature? As much as Donald Duck pissed him off from time to time, he was always gentle and instrumental in calming that guy down. He’s a smooth talker who has a tremendous disposition and really shows he cares for everyone he comes across.

He is recognized internationally. From Japan to Liechtenstein, people love Mickey Mouse. George W. Bush, not so much. But you put a Mickey Mouse cartoon on TV, even if they don’t understand English, and you’ve found common ground with your foreign counterparts. The States’ current foreign policy is shot to poop, and with Mickey as President and Secretary of State combined, the U.S. would be as beloved by the rest of the free world as it was in the months immediately following World War II.

His private life is — well, he has no private life. Are you tired of politicians with shady backgrounds? Don’t want your president shagging an intern? You don’t have to worry about that with Mickey Mouse. Everything he has ever done has been documented in books, television, movies, you name it. The guy’s every activity has been chronicled through the popular media and as a result, EVERYONE identifies with him.

My hope and prayer this coming election is that people of all religions and moral backgrounds come together, choose Mickey Mouse and put our hands to the plow because it is time to change the America that we all know and love, for the better.

MICKEY FOR PREZ!!!