Jonathan Lee Riches Is A Smart, Hilarious Man

I don’t know how I initially heard about this guy, but boy am I oh so glad I did.

Jonathan Lee Riches is an inmate at FCI Williamsburg in South Carolina, convicted of wire fraud in 2004. Instead of doing his time, playing ping pong, working out in the gym, and eating mystery meat, this guy comes up with the most resourceful use of his time anyone could ever come up with.

He writes lawsuits. Tons of them. Against everyone and everything in existence.

You think I’m kidding? Check this out. Pages and pages full of frivolous lawsuits against people who are popular in the media, sports teams he despises, and … phone numbers. Not kidding, folks. Here are some of my favorites.

Riches v. Pitt, et al. – Plaintiff Jonathan Lee Riches sued Defendants Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Maddox Jolie Pitt, Zahara Jolie Pitt, Shiloh Jolie Pitt, and Pax Jolie Pitt. Plaintiff alleged that Defendants Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie kidnapped Madeleine McCann in a major conspiracy plot to adopt her against her will, as part of a secret plot to take, kidnap and adopt a child from each of the 192 world wide countries. Plaintiff stated that he learned about the plot from his pen pal Billy Bob Thornton.

Riches vs. Starbucks Coffee Company – Plaintiff Jonathan Lee Riches d/b/a Political Prisoner sued Defendants Starbucks Coffee Co. and Howard Schultz and seeks $5 million and release from solitary confinement. Plaintiff alleges that Defendant Starbucks are conspiring with FCI Williamsburg to keep him away from the general population and the courts. Plaintiff also alleges that Defendant Schultz is friends with Michael Vick, and that Defendants want to burn him with hot coffee.

Riches v. Billy Joel – Plaintiff sues Billy Joel for “stealing his Philly soul.” Alleged that defendant Billy Joel the Singer is his step-father, and sent him to defendant Vision Quest Psychiatric Facility in Franklin, Pennsylvania. Plaintiff alleged that Vision Quest forced him to sleep in teepees with no UFO radar defense system. Plaintiff also alleged that Italian hitmen made him sign an omerta silence oath, Vision Quest made him travel around the country in horse and buggies like the Amish, and “We Didn’t Start the Fire” was in the stingrays head when it killed the croc master Steve Irwin.

As you can see, the guy writes some hilarious stuff. I can’t imagine Hollywood ever coming up with something like this…ever. My all time favorite is Jonathan Lee Riches v. Bill Belicheck, Tom Brady and Randy Moss. My favorite phrases: “Bill Belichick is the real father of Tom Brady’s child” and “Belichick is a peeping Tom Brady.” The dude is a genius.

Except for the fact that he’s wasting us taxpayers’ good money.