So I made a mistake seven months ago.
I made a mistake of moving down here to Oregon for one sole reason: to be with a girl I loved at the time. I’ll admit that I was stupid in that decision. I thought it was God’s will for me to be with her and, as I found out a month ago, that obviously wasn’t the case.
Now I work two jobs but I barely make rent each month, can barely afford to drive up to Vancouver to visit friends and go to church…overall, my financial situation is bad. My recent financial troubles had me wondering the other day if I am really where God wants me to be. Does He even want me in Oregon? What is my purpose here? What happens next?
Ever since Black Thursday, my life had been pretty aimless. I’m single and in no mad rush to date anybody anytime soon, I have no desire to serve in any leadership capacity at my church, and pretty much all I want to do is go to work, come home, read the Bible, maybe another book and sleep. I felt like I just existed and didn’t know what to do from here.
Enter Joel Senior, a good friend of mine from the Tri-Cities area of Washington state.
Joel and I had a great phone conversation a few days ago, and in it we shared how we were doing personally (yes, I had to tell the story about the breakup AGAIN), our excitement for working church camp in June, and we prayed with each other. It was a great conversation and it was good to hear from him again, and I was about to hang up when he told me something that really blessed me.
He shared how glad he was that I moved back to the Northwest and that he didn’t speak alone in that regard. He told me how he remembered us being good friends for what has been ten years now, and we shared our appreciation for each other’s friendship and spiritual support.
After I hung up I really started thinking. God has blessed me even through the big mistake I made, He is somehow still blessing me through helping others. If I can be a help to just one person and be a strong spiritual support for them, then I really know my moving back here to the Northwest isn’t in vain.
Sure, the pain of the breakup is still real. I’m still very angry at my ex-girlfriend for what she did and how she went about the breakup (and the few days afterward). So angry, in fact, that I can’t bring myself to wish her well in life, school, future relationships, etc. at this point in time. I don’t say that to be mean, and I definitely don’t want to wish bad thoughts for her, but I’m not full of wonderful feelings for her either. Still can’t fathom the fact that she had three terrible boyfriends before me who broke up with her, and then even after she describes me as the best boyfriend she ever had, she left me.
Even though I miss her and the times we had, they are beginning to pale in comparison to how fragile the relationship was. I can honestly say that if I were given a second chance for the relationship, I’d turn it down in an instant. Couldn’t do it.
Too much pain and anger from the breakup and some of the fallout afterward still, but God has proven Himself faithful even though I don’t deserve it. Faithful in the fact that He hasn’t given up on me and will help me change the way I feel toward the situation and her. He’ll continue to bless me in His time by allowing me to move on, and through friends of mine like Joel, redefine my purpose for being here in the Northwest.
I’m here for a reason and I’m setting out to discover why. If anyone out there can help me, I’d appreciate it.
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