The World According To Chris Brewer

I don’t know why but there have been three occasions within the past two or three years that I can remember, where I dreamed about something and it happened the very next day.

July 6, 2005, I dreamed that I was a passenger in the London Underground and they had to evacuate all the trains. On July 7, the famed London Tube bombings occurred, killing over thirty people.

April 15, 2007, I dreamed of my friend Adam Stevens. He is a Virginia Tech student, and in the dream he told me, “Pray for me. We’re in trouble.” I prayed and went back to sleep, and woke up to the news of 32 dead at VT in a senseless massacre.

April 25, 2007, I dreamed that my girlfriend Aftan had roomed with five guys and one of them was a good friend of hers that told me flat out, “She’s mine now.” Today, well, you can only guess what happened.

She doesn’t have another guy, and I believe her when she says it. She said she just needed a break from me for a little while, and I can actually somewhat understand it now, when I couldn’t earlier. She has a lot of stress on her life and maybe I was adding to it by wanting her around so much. It sucks that me wanting to spend time with her even though she had a full plate was misinterpreted as nagging her.

I loved her to death and I still do. I’m just now realizing that there were things we BOTH could have done better, a lot better. We’re both busy. School is stressing her out, my bills and apartment payments are stressing me out. The fact that we both don’t even get to see each other that often is a major contributor to it too, I am sure.

She asked me to just scale it back and be her best friend for the time being. It’s a request I am going to have to live with, and keep my head up while doing so. It’s really tough to going from being serious boyfriend and girlfriend, to even giving her a promise ring over Christmas, to now being out of a relationship completely.

I don’t want to mail it in and look for someone else. Instead, today I prayed and will continue to pray and think for God to give me another chance and this time I’ll do better to prove myself and we both can do better for each other.

I’m devastated right now. I moved all the way across the country on faith in a word from the Lord to pursue our relationship. Aftan Rehling is 75% of the reason I’m in Oregon right now. I even bought her a promise ring over Christmas as a word to be faithful to her and we would get married someday. I still hope and pray that happens. But today happens and then where do I go from here?

God let this happen for a reason and I can’t blame him. In fact I’m praying to Him and asking him for some serious answers and to show me and change my heart the way it needs to be changed, not just so I can “win her back” so to speak, but to be more loving and kind and show it.

And I also pray that the Lord gives her the confirmation she needs for herself right now.

For now I will have to settle with being her best friend during this time and even though it is tough for me I want to do it with pride and a good attitude, even though I’m tore up inside right now. I want to show her I still love her and am serious about continuing a relationship we had for one and a half years, and making an even greater effort and personal sacrifice to make sure it happens.

As for right now, this moment in time, it’s midnight and I don’t want to sleep. I am honestly terrified to death I will have another dream.

I’m mortified.

And my heart is broken, after last night’s dream came to pass.

Pray for me. I need peace….and guidance.