The World According To Chris Brewer

This is weird, especially with the recent news (and we’re talking within the last ten hours or so) of TomKat giving birth to a baby girl.

Anyway, I had this dream last night/this morning that my family moved to the Washington, D.C. area for some reason, and I was called upon to help them. As it turned out, there was an old widow in Fairfax, VA (a D.C. suburb) that needed some help hauling stuff from her backyard out to a landfill, so I inquired…she paid well so I took the job.

This is where it gets awesome. I was walking upstairs to get something when I accidentally bumped into a young woman, and she introduced herself as Katie Holmes. The conversation went something like this:

Me: “Sorry about that. Can I help you with anything? I hope you’re not hurt…my name’s Chris Brewer by the way.”
Her: “I’m Katie Holmes…I’m sure you’ve heard about me before. I’m okay, thanks for asking.”
Me: “So you’re THE Katie Holmes, from Dawson’s Creek and Batman Begins. What are you doing in a place like this?”
Her: “Some [butt]hole got me pregnant so I had to come up here and live with my grandmother for awhile.”
Me: “You don’t look pregnant.”
Her: “The baby’s in the other room.”
Me: “Oh, I see. So you don’t hang around with Tom anymore???”
Her: “Not at all if I can help it.”
Me: “Well, here’s something you can’t help…let’s go out for some Italian.”
Her: “Okay.”

So we went to some Olive Garden-like place and exchanged pleasantries, and then I had to cut everything short. I basically had to tell her that I was already dating a girl named Aftan from Oregon and it wouldn’t be right for me to leave her for a famous person, or anyone else for that matter.

Then I woke up, only to read this morning that Katie indeed gave birth. How friggin’ scary.