The World According To Chris Brewer

I think the Sunni Arabs are probably pretty ticked off around here, because we’ve been definitely hearing more car bombs and mortars attack. Fortunately I have not even been around the Embassy when they’ve hit. Earlier it was crazy because people were talking about how a mortar hit very close to the chow hall, and we saw fire trucks driving around for a few minutes. Everyone seemed to be going about their business as normal though. Such is life in the IZ, where you’ll hear a mortar or a bomb, pause for a second, and if it’s close enough to you then you will put on your “battle rattle” (your body armor and helmet) then you’ll duck and cover in a bunker, the Embassy or your hooch (that’s what we call our trailers) until they sound an all clear over the loudspeaker.

So with that said, let me update you on how things went yesterday, since it was my day off and I don’t have normal Internet access on Saturdays because of that fact. I slept until 1:30 PM and how sweet it was. I felt refreshed for the first time since I’ve been here due to the simple fact of me being able to sleep in for once. It was great. We didn’t play football yesterday…I think we’re still reeling from getting our faces ripped 44-0 to some awesome team that I would swear was full of former college or semi-pro players. Still I think we could have scored at least 7 points, which would have been a moral victory in my mind at least.

So we had this hangout last night where we all ate steak and hung out near the palace pool. It was okay. They had karaoke and a bunch of guys from work sang and danced to some old 80s hits. That was funny but I kinda wanted to just go back to the hooch and chill. So I did. Of course, after I went and called Mom and Dad to chat it up with them for a bit.

That was about it for yesterday. When I get a day off, all I want to do is sit around, watch pointless TV and sleep.

Today has just been a bunch of work. We have to interview some folks shortly so it’ll be interesting. But it’s cutting into my radio show, which I don’t mind too much since it’s urban music. I’m not a rap fan by any means, but there is some cool R&B and Motown that finds its way onto the radio show, so it does have some redeeming value.

Speaking of which, we will start playing “holiday music” next weekend on all of our radio shows. Imagine a playlist with Kanye West and Burl Ives playing back-to-back. That would kill. Imagine mixing two songs from them together…”Have a holly jolly Christmas, Jesus walk with me….” Terrible.

That’s it for now. We will all talk later. Comment moderation might be taken off next week if everyone continues to play nice around here. Thanks!

God bless…

Baghdad is one of the craziest places in the world.

When I was coming into work this morning, I no sooner had passed the entryway into my work when I heard a distant blast…followed by a much more powerful one. It was pretty loud so it sounded pretty close. I ran inside and grabbed my body armor and helmet, and put them both on rather quickly. The South American guards stationed outside the front entrance were shouting that it was two mortars that hit really close to us, but a little bit later we found out what it really was. Here is a news article from MSNBC and the Associated Press that tells what it was.

By Faris al-Mehdawi

BAGHDAD (Reuters) - Two suicide truck bombs targeted a prominent hotel in Baghdad on Friday but failed to pierce the perimeter and destroyed an apartment block instead, killing at least six people, including two children, police said.

The blast was also in the area of an interior ministry prison bunker at the centre of a detainee abuse scandal that has deepened sectarian tensions, but the U.S. military and security experts said the Hamra Hotel was the primary target.

Police said at least six people died and 40 were wounded in the near simultaneous blasts. There were no reports of foreign casualties. Witnesses at the hotel said victims’ body parts were found in the swimming pool and in the street outside.

Security camera footage showed a white van driving up to blast walls at the exterior perimeter of the hotel complex and exploding. About 20 seconds later the second explosion blew out the camera.

The nearby apartment building was reduced to rubble, about 20 cars were destroyed and dozens of firefighters and soldiers were searching for residents trapped beneath wreckage.

Distraught women in black veils slapped their heads as they surveyed the destruction. A man embraced a weeping woman.

U.S. Colonel Ed Cardon told reporters at the scene that two vehicles drove at blast walls protecting the Hamra. The plan appeared to be for the first to open a path for the second to breach the outer defences and cause more damage, he said.

A foreign security consultant said it clearly looked like an attempt to get inside the hotel compound. It was the second major attack on high-profile hotels in Baghdad in a month. The Sheraton and Palestine hotels were hit in late October.

About three hours later, U.S. troops blew up a suspected car bomb in the same vicinity.

The Hamra is several hundred yards (metres) from the bunker that was raided on Sunday by U.S. forces who found 170 prisoners, some of them showing signs of abuse.

But the bombers did not target checkpoints or defences of the interior ministry compound, and the method mirrored the previous hotel bombings, with one bomber trying to breach the first line of blast walls and another following behind. In the attack on the Sheraton and Palestine, three vehicles were used.

“A truck bomb hit this wall and blew up part of the wall. And then another small truck tried to penetrate and blow up these buildings,” Cardon said.

“Instead, what happened is both trucks blew up right here and did tremendous damage to this apartment building right here, wounding scores of innocent people,” he said.

So this happened not far from where I work, but we are all safe. Continue to pray for all the troops’ protection around here. Thanks and God bless!

Okay. It’s 12:39 AM over here, I am running on fumes after only six hours of sleep last night, and the only reason I’m still up is because my roommate is snoring like Jesus is coming back tomorrow and he needs to get all his snoring in before then. Which makes me really wish Jesus was coming back tomorrow.

I think I’ve gone crazy. Partly because I’m so tired, partly because of stuff I’ve said and done over the past couple days in different situations. So since I’ve gone so crazy, I think tonight will be the start of my career as a screenwriter of a television show called “The Life of Rufus.” I will try to provide the world with a weekly script so that you all can help me hone my directorial skills.

Tonight we start with the pilot, called “Premiere Episode: Meet Rufus Bonifide.” It is approximately 16:32 long. As in 16 minutes, 32 seconds and roughly 24 frames. Which is 1 frame away from 16 minutes, 33 seconds if you are editing video in film mode on my favorite software, Avid Xpress or Avid Arenaline. It is this short because corporate America loves to make commercials and viewers enjoy watching funny ones.

Background of the series: H. Rufus Bonifide is a horribly underprivileged boy living in a city called Frampton. Rufus is sixteen but he has the mentality of a six year old because his parents underdeveloped his mental and social skills. And even some motor skills. He is son to a father who is pretty much a senior citizen and an invalid, and a mother who is 22 years her husband’s junior and married him for reasons that should not be discussed among people with manners or morals. They all live in a dilapidated trailer on Burnt Mill Road, a residential drag through town with nice houses except for the dilapidated trailer because for some reason to be explained later, the city is chicken to condemn it.

- BEGIN SCRIPT -

The movie starts out with some babe walking down the street and the camera following her head closely so all you see is blond hair blowing in the wind and you can’t even tell it’s a babe. Heck it could be a 80s hair band lover dude for all we care, but I am the only one who knows it’s a babe at this point. Camera pulls out to show the side of her face and she is wearing hot Oakley sunglasses, and you get to see the collar of her leather jacket. Some guy goes by with a ghetto blaster on his shoulder playing some Vanilla Ice tunes while kids ride bikes in the road and jump over potholes. Then the camera pans and you see a one bedroom trailer home with rust streaks down the sides. It basically looks like a tin box, and it has a crappy door and a crappy screen door outside of that, that blows in the wind and squeaks higher than old women singing hymns at church.

In walks Rufus, a 16 year old high school sophomore with black hair cut in some 80s hairstyle that is way out of date and wearing really highwadding pants and a sweatshirt that says BUM Equipment on it, so you know his parents still buy his clothes at the swap meet. He walks into his room and slips on a Transformer toy and hurts his foot. Then he cries for about two minutes solid and picks up the Transformer, forgets his pain and then tries to destroy Decepticon. (I know too much about Transformers and that is scary considering I never had the toys nor watched the television series.) Then the neighbor kid Billy from the basketball team, who scores about 25.4 points a game and gets hot babes and drinks near beer all the time, looks inside his window and starts laughing at poor Rufus’s misfortunes. Rufus gets mad, cries a little bit, then cries so hard he wets himself. This is bad because it is his only pair of pants to wear over the next two days at school because he peed himself the day earlier in his Hammer Pants while he was playing hide and seek and was running after the object of his affection, Carol Mindenhall. Carol is a 15-year-old troll who likes to play Transformers with Rufus, routinely takes the role as Decepticon and gets defeated every time. She also has bucked teeth and red hair with more split ends than all the football teams in the world, which should be good for making audiences cringe.

Rufus walks into the bathroom, and he passes his mother, who is rather portly and eating potato chips while sitting on the living room sofa watching reruns of Three’s Company and Different Strokes with their TV’s Picture in Picture feature. He forgets he has peed himself and laughs at a lame Gary Coleman joke. Then he walks farther and his pants are getting wetter lower by the second. The wetness has reached his left knee, so he decides it’s time to take off his pants and make a mad dash for the bathroom. He makes it, locks himself in and sits on the john for a couple of minutes pondering his future. He takes care of necessary business, flushes, then grabs his mom’s blow dryer that she never uses because she is so busy sitting on the sofa eating potato chips and collecting welfare money (read: your and my tax dollars hard at work…it’s more common than you think).

So he blow dries out his highwadders and realize it looks like he spilled lemonade on his socks. Oh duh, he thinks suddenly, the pee ran down to my socks too. So he puts those in the washing machine, because he knows he has more socks even though the colors are mismatched, and he knows his mom won’t start another load of laundry for another week because welfare doesn’t pay for loads of detergent, it pays for potato chips, gosh darn it. But it’s ok, his priority is cleaning his highwadders so he can wear them to school tomorrow. Poor Rufus pushes his glasses back up on his face, combs his hair again to one side and cleans his ears with toilet paper because welfare does not pay for Q-Tips. It pays for potato chips, you better believe it. All the while his highwadders are drying out on the door handle with a oscillating fan blow drying them out because the hair dryer doesn’t work.

Rufus walks out in his He-Man underwear (they are actually pull-ups because he is incontinent, but that is revealed in a later Life of Rufus episode, I think episode 21 of season 1) and runs to his bedroom, playing with more toys and waiting out the drying of his pants. Then Billy looks through his window again and sees a half-naked Rufus. If there is a human being you do not want to see with any article of clothing off, Rufus is the one. Billy brings LaQueesha, the flavor of the week (he rotates girlfriends like a carousel) to his window and they laugh at Rufus together then start making out. Rufus is lucky because even though he starts crying again very badly, he can’t wet himself because he went 10 minutes ago.

Which means we have to come up with 3 more minutes worth of script. That is easy since I am on a roll.

Rufus walks into the kitchen (which is pretty disgusting, dishes everywhere and a spot on the floor where the neighbor’s cat left a gift) where he meets up with his little brother Biff, who is not quite a white Urkel but more like Peter Parker pre-Spiderman days. Rufus asks Biff if there are any Corn Flakes left. Biff says no. Rufus asks if there is any milk. Biff says no. Rufus then asks if there is any bread to make a mayonnaise sandwich. Biff wisely tells Rufus no, all the welfare money went to Mom’s potato chips and Dad is secretly hoarding his disability money, but Mom doesn’t know since she lives and breathes TV Land. And Fox News. And ESPN2 when non-sports-related sporting events come on. Rufus says okay then sits down and cries while his stomach growls and Biff eats the remainder of his free lunch from the Frampton school district (read: more taxpayer dollars at work!!!).

The camera zooms in close on Rufus, then circles out over the house, which shows Dad in the bed asleep in his bedroom, Mom laughing at Gary Coleman stuff, Biff chowing on a burrito and Rufus sitting next to the neighbor’s cat’s gift to the Bonifide family. Then the camera pulls out into the street and shows kids and people walking around and doing normal stuff and leading a better life than the Bonifides.

- END SCRIPT FOR EPISODE 1 -

That wasn’t so hard. Now that the snoring is over, it’s time for me to go to bed.

First off, let me say that my last blog post, “Day 19: Hump Day Already” has received more comments than if I would have asked if Michael Jackson was a child molestor or not. Craziness.

Did I ever tell you all how much iTunes rocks? I created my first ever iMix there. Basically to make an iMix, I just created a playlist, dragged all the songs I liked at the moment that were in my iTunes library into the new playlist, and hit the File menu and clicked “Create an iMix.” Which in turn took all the tracks that were available in the iTunes Music Store and created links to all of them so people who have iTunes can download each track for $.99 if interested. The best thing about that is THIS IS PERFECTLY LEGAL. I offer my iMix up to you…click here if you have iTunes, and check it out.

That being said, let’s stay on the topic of music. There’s this British band called Bloc Party that I am really beginning to like. They’re a good mix of dance/punk/hard rock. If you get a chance, mosey on over to their website and peer into what they’ve got. Or you could check out the iMix I made.

So how are things going on my end today, you ask? Just jolly. Work is going well…I’ve been running around doing stuff, so to speak. Tomorrow is a busy day. It is sunny outside and somewhat warm…it rained overnight and I think that is cause for my lack of sleep and why I’m so tired today. The trailers we live in are like tin cans, the rain hits it and pretty much you are left with constant thuds. Which is why I’m glad it doesn’t rain here much.

That’s pretty much it for now. More tomorrow. For now, aloha.

Let’s skip Day 18 since I had night duty the previous night and slept most of yesterday off. Therefore this is what Day 18 looks like.

That’s it. Here’s the recap once again.

So that’s all for Day 18. So let’s fast forward to Day 19. Not much is going on. I am still sleep deprived. Not much I can do about that for about 35 more minutes. I’m safe, I’m sound, everything is going well. Things here are humming along just fine. So….how are each of you???

I guess it’s just one of those days where I don’t have much to say because now that all the craziness of me getting here and settled in is over, not much else is going on. I’ve already described how things work at work, so that’s covered…I’ve already described how we hear bombs going off and stuff, so that’s covered…etc, etc, etc. Routine, routine, routine.

So I do have a very pressing and important question, and this is for Lakeside Church folks who visit my website. Of course you all know about me planning to move to Springfield, MO next year right after my last day in the Air Force is over. Do any of you feel like I am abandoning you or bailing on you? Just wondering…I need an honest reaction and I figured this site was the best way to gauge responses since I don’t want to email everyone at once. Besides, this could foster some good public discussion and people could tell me and others from the church how they feel. Kinda like a public forum.

That’s it for now. More tomorrow. I’m TIRED and gotta run.

To make things short, Melissa and I are no longer on speaking terms for the second time in a month. If you really have to know how it came about, I might tell you, but not anytime soon. I am upset about it. But let me tell you, it does make me feel a little bit better about moving to Springfield. This time I seriously just want to count my loss and move on. I think it’s because we’re both horribly stubborn and butt heads too often. It’s detrimental to both of us, and neither of us need the stress.

Other than that, we had a car bomb explode outside the IZ today. Didn’t hear it because I was at work, but I went to Google News, searched for “international zone” and found out it killed about five people. I’ve only been here 17 days and I really am beginning to get tired of hearing this crap happen.

I am sitting here now, bored out of my mind, on press desk duty, answering the occasional phone call here and there and getting ready to watch Monday Night Football. I’ll admit I’m still thinking about the earlier events of the night and how the bridge is burned between Melissa and myself…and how things could have been done better. Then I’ll hit a bulls eye on the dartboard next to my desk and forget about everything…..for just a second.

Happy Monday, and happy pay day as well. If there is a positive to take away from tonight, my checking account just grew $1,265.05. That’s all going toward the Springfield fund.

Love you all.

I’m only here at work for about 30 more minutes because I am working the press desk tonight. Basically someone else and I will be guarding the press desk overnight…I hear it’s interesting because you can call home, still get on the internet and chat it up with friends, etc. Not too shabby. I’m outta here soon.

What I wanted to do was leave a link to a video that was played in a briefing Saturday night. It’s a tribute to Canadian soldiers from a Canadian music artist, but it also works for Americans as well. Happy belated Veteran’s Day.

Note: The link below takes you to a page where you can access the video, instead of just the video itself. Take time to read the other info on the page — why the song was written, etc.

Link: Video for “A Pittance of Time” by Terry Kelly

Sorry folks, yesterday was Day 15 and I failed to update. You can expect that on most Saturdays until further notice, because that is my day off every week and I don’t have the Internet readily available. Rumor is that they are creating a wireless network connection in the trailer area but I’m not sure. But at least I can update from work.

Yesterday we played flag football and got BOMBED 44-0. I had 1 catch for -1 yards. That’s right. I am much better at football when we play at Lakeside. One-handed catches, running roughshod over Mikey P, yeah. None of that here. I got manhandled. Not cool. But at least on defense, I sacked the quarterback once. I also did this awesome slide in the mud on the field where i sorta slid like a figure skater then made the sack. I think it surprised everyone. Had there been a camera crew there it would have made SportsCenter’s Top Ten.

Here’s to Jason Brewer on the day after his 18th birthday. He’s old enough to go buy cigarettes, go to strip clubs and go to a lot of underage clubs…but what’s more impressive than him being a legal adult is the fact that he will never go do any of what I just mentioned. Our parents raised us wonderfully. On that same note, also props to Evin Pace, who is 30 minutes older than Jason and my adopted younger sister. Hooray for you both, you’re awesome folks.

Speaking of which, I got to place a phone call home for 20 minutes on one of the morale phones in the Palace. It royally (get it…I just mentioned that I was calling from a palace….I crack myself up) sucks to call out of here because the connections suck, but it was neat to catch Jason, Mom and Dad all in the same place for once. Talked to all three of them, and it was cool. Gave the family the lowdown on where I am without releasing a bunch of essential information. Wished Jason a happy birthday and he seemed really excited that I was sitting in the palace of a former dictator. Mom asked what I wanted in a care package and I told her I couldn’t think of anything at the moment. Really, I can’t. She also mentioned how she and a bunch of the Crimson House folks really want me to move down to Springfield to join the family and the church folks down there. Dad and I talked for a bit and I told him how the flights were after he had met me at the airport, and also gave him some more pointers on how to drive from Springfield to Washington, D.C. in a day. It was really good to reconnect with the family.

That was about it for yesterday. Fast forward to this morning, where I looked on ESPN.com and LO AND BEHOLD, MY OREGON DUCKS WERE PLAYING AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING MY TIME. GOD STILL REIGNS. Unfortunately they were losing, but I went to GoDucks.com and listened to the rest of the game…we came back to lead 31-21 or something like that and then Washington State tied it at 31. I started crying and sweating, and then suddenly we kicked a field goal with 1 second left for VICTORY. The Ducks are 9-1 and could play for a BCS game. Amen.

Other than that, I’m here at work. That’s it for now, but be prepared for a video update for Week 3. It’s week 3 already. That’s amazing. 23 more weeks to go!

Chow, and God bless.

Hey everyone, today is Friday, November 11, of course.

Today was cool. Among the highlights:

- Got to shoot video for a gentleman who appeared on a morning show in his hometown. It was pretty cool.

- I got to go see something else that was special later on. More on that at a later date.

- Melissa called me at the office tonight. We talked for an hour. It was so refreshing to actually be able to connect with someone on the phone and just chat about how things are going here and back at home.

- About being able to talk on the phone, who would have ever thought how much we take that thing for granted? I used to call Melissa, my parents, and other folks on an almost daily or bi-daily basis. Now I’m fortunate to get through to someone once a week. BE THANKFUL EVERY TIME YOU PICK UP YOUR PHONE AND TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY, PEOPLE.

That’s about it for now. The hour waxes late and I need to get out of here. I’ve been talking on the phone too long…..

Peace out.

Not much went on today. Worked on some video projects and got a lot done. That’s about it.

I’m about to leave work for the day but please remember to pray for me not just to stay safe physically, but that I grow closer to God spiritually. I get down sometimes because I don’t have the support of everyone close by…I can’t easily call someone, go to their house, etc. I can’t go to chapel here because I work on Sundays. It’s a test the Lord’s giving me, I just know it. I gotta stay strong and serve the Lord for myself. I’m still upbeat and enthusiastic physically but I need a little spiritual pick-me-up. I’m not backsliding or anything, nor am I not doing well with God…I’m actually praying a lot more than I had been before, and studying the Word fervently. But still I need spiritual strength because this place requires a bit more of it than Newport News does. Pray for my spiritual strength, please…I appreciate it.

And just know I am continuing to pray for all of you.

Sorry this is so short, but I’m about to head out. Peace and God Bless.