The World According To Chris Brewer

I had this weird dream last night. I don’t know how I get such messed up dreams, but they make for great entertainment, and if I could make movies out of each of them I would be richer than the oil sheiks of the Mideast.

So to set the stage, let me give you the real life background of the dream. There was this girl I knew in high school that was pretty cute, and we hadn’t talked pretty much in a couple years. That’s about it.

Onto the dream, I was living in a nice town by the ocean, in some apartment. I drove three hours to visit my parents, and all of a sudden, BAM, I meet the girl who I had not talked to in a couple years there, by virtue of Jason (my younger brother) introducing me to her. But she didn’t look the same. In fact, she was massively ugly. Uglier than any girl I had ever seen before. I remembered liking this girl, but not like this. I pretty much walked away from both of them, got into my car and drove off.

But alas, they followed me. Jason got out of his car and told me “Why did you do that, d***it? You two are supposed to fall in love!” I walked over to the girl and asked her, “You’re not really her, are you?” and she replied, “No, but it’s nice to pretend.” What the crap. That was terrible. There must have been a gap in the action, because all of a sudden my brother was driving a tricked-out Chevy S-10 with a Gatling gun in the back. He drove right up to the girl, got out, and as she walked toward the truck, he ran to the back and took hold of the Gatling gun. What happened next was terribly grotesque and can only be described by saying that she had been riddled with about 80 bullets.

Then I woke up. How terrible. This dream got bad in three stages. Stage 1 was Good Stage — I supposedly had met the girl I liked in high school and was going to tell her I loved her for some reason. Stage 2 was Take a Bad Turn Stage — she turned out to be the ugliest monster I had ever seen. Stage 3 was Horrible Twist to the Story Stage — it turns out this girl was pretending to be the girl I wanted to see. Stage 4 was Pointless Violence Stage — my brother filled her full of bullets and ended her existence quickly. The sick thing about that was that he kept shooting, as if after the 2nd shot he needed 78 more.

So messed up.

I really need a good dream to happen. Like one where I have a beautiful wife, two kids, and I get lots of money. Nothing bad like people shot. Is that too much to ask?