I’m all for championing the cause of those who the church calls unsaveable or beyond hope, but I’m having a hard time finding someone older, more experienced in the ministry, someone who knows the Word inside and out…who is even willing to help me with the twelve youth that we have. I’m afraid we have brought people into the church…that’s wonderful that they are here…but we don’t offer anything relevant to them. I want to get across a hard-hitting, timely, straight-to-the-heart message that God loves them no matter who they are, but how can our church, with our resources, with what little we have, communicate this message? And who am I to communicate it in the first place?
It’s August 8, 2002, and here I sit typing this to myself. I just returned from IYC in Kentucky a few days ago. God has called me to quit the band I was part of and stop associating with people I had. I have a greater, more intense focus on the ministry here at Kelso Church of God of Prophecy, but I feel that due to past mistakes I made, I can’t even be effective in ministry anymore. I’m going to write a resignation letter to Pastor Dillon tomorrow…I’m sure he will understand.
Maybe I wasn’t meant to be a youth leader. I’m really good at saying something to someone, working toward backing it up, then I’ll go and do one thing to screw it all up. There’s no place for that when it comes to me in the ministry…maybe I’m better suited to minister to people one-on-one, and that’s even if I can straighten everything out in my life soon.
Look at me, I’ve held the title of youth leader for the past year now. We have 15 young people in our church that attend on a regular basis…that’s more youth than adults in the church. I’ve done my best to grow the youth group numerically but failed them spiritually. While I held the title of youth leader (I’m not a youth pastor by any means, I JUST turned 18) I was still doing things that were unbecoming of a Christian and to an extent, walking in sin. IYC helped open my eyes to this, I rededicated my life to Christ, and now I need to step back and seek God for myself.
I’m not being selfish, this is something I need to do.
–Me, in a youth ministry handbook I had made, in an entry dated August 2002. At the time I was serving as interim youth leader of the Kelso Church of God of Prophecy
Isn’t it amazing what three years can do to someone? Here I sit now, living in Newport News, Virginia, three years removed from a one-year tenure as youth leader at the tiny COGOP in Kelso, Washington. I’m in my third year in the U.S. Air Force, I’ve served overseas and moved from city to city like a circuit-riding preacher. And the entire journey has been one of spiritual growth.
I’ve known “the way” since I was a kid. For as long as I can remember, Mom and Dad have always been involved in ministry, serving as leadership in whatever church they have attended (mostly either the COGOP in Kelso or Vancouver) in one way or another. So yeah, I asked God to forgive me of all my no-nos when I was five, joined the COGOP at the age of 11 before I even knew what I was doing, and trudged through years of home-schooling with very little social interaction…so I really had no excuse to not serve the Lord, growing up in an extremely sheltered environment.
Yes, I said I was sheltered. I don’t hold anything against my parents for raising me the way they did. They taught me the Bible, all about Jesus the best they knew how. When I would do something wrong, they disciplined me, whether it be spankings, washing my mouth out with soap, groundings, privileges being taken away, you name it…I deserved what I had coming to me, even though I didn’t realize it then. They homeschooled me until I reached high school.
I usually don’t come right out and say this, but a bunch of my friends will tell you that I am probably the most intelligent person they know….in terms of book smarts. But I lacked severely in the social department…I didn’t know how to interact too well with people. Credit that to being sheltered. So enter public high school at Rainier High School in Rainier, Oregon. I had told Mom and Dad I was sick of being homeschooled and wanted to spread my wings. Oh, the infinite wisdom of a 14-year-old.
To make a long story short, I threw away my intelligence for some good fun in high school. No, I didn’t drink, do drugs or have sex, but I put myself in many situations where I could have done each, if not all, of those things…and needless to say, I didn’t care about Jesus too much. Around my senior year, 2001-02, I began to turn it around and slowly come back to Christ. All the while accepting a ministry position in my local church for two reasons: they needed a youth leader, and I figured helping others would help me in my walk with Christ. I still had some serious issues though.
The church situation didn’t help. When I was 16, suddenly my family transferred churches from LaCamas Valley COGOP in Vancouver to the rinky-dink Kelso COGOP. We went from a church with a vibrant youth group to a church that you needed to define the words “youth group” for. LaCamas was modern in their style of worship, Kelso sang from the hymnal and accepted no substitutes. LaCamas had an attendance of about 80 people, Kelso had about 8. Mom and Dad cited their reasons for leaving LaCamas and coming to Kelso as “we need to follow what God’s telling us to do.” I told them basically, “Cool, do what you need to do. But I’m not going to enjoy it very much.” And I didn’t. The church was so old-school that it sickened me, turned me off to the concept of church completely, and I turned my back on God. If that was what Jesus wanted my family to do, I wanted no part of it. The church didn’t reach me. The people were nice, but the message was boring, over my head and redundant.
Back to RHS. As my popularity rose in high school, I devoted a lot of my time and attention to those who society turned their backs on. I guess that’s one thing that has always bothered me….I got made fun of hardcore as a kid for many reasons. I was ugly, wore glasses (which is an automatic killer when you’re 10 years old and growing up in the 1990s), smarter than everyone I came in contact with and I let them know it all the time (I deserved what I got for that), but even when I became quiet and reserved and met new people, I still was labeled as an outcast. It wasn’t until my sophomore and junior years of high school (I think sports helped out a LOT) that I became accepted, or maybe I should put “accepted” into quotes…by the “in” crowd. So I made it my duty to not forsake those who were still social outcasts. My spirit was wounded and I grieved with those whose spirits were strangled by rejection, so my natural response was to reach out to the freaks and geeks. Sure, I’d draw some weird reactions, but I honestly didn’t care. Too bad I wasn’t a Christian at the time, because I could have done some one-on-one ministry with Christ helping me out.
I developed a sense of humor around my junior year. I figured if people would laugh at me, why not give them something legitimate to laugh at instead of the way I look, the way I act, etc.? Needless to say, I became more popular. And all the while, Jesus walked right beside me through the science hall of RHS asking me when I was going to come back to Him. I kept walking along, telling him maybe later, and I could literally see him still walking with me, shaking his head and saying “I’m not giving up.”
My attitude toward the Kelso church began to change. I didn’t see it as being mired in old-school Pentecostalism, but I saw it as the church had just struggled to grow because of location, issues with members, and attacks from Satan. The church never broke 30 in attendance the 3 years I went there, but around early ‘02, I began to spiritually learn some things, and I slowly started turning back to the Lord. I guess I had made a decision that God really was important and I was scared to die and go to hell. But Jesus would still ask me when I was truly going to come back to Him and give my life up 100%.
Fast forwarding to after high school graduation, I was in a stupid band called the Psychotic Minorities. Yeah, it was me, Mike, Beaner and a whole bunch of guests who decided to chime in their musical talents. Looking back, I’m proud our stuff was never widely released. Each time I would sing I could hear Jesus right beside me asking me to stop, leave everything and come back to Him. I would tell him maybe later.
Later came sooner than I thought, however. I got selected for International Youth Camp 2002, which is basically the COGOP’s “training for camp workers” (I put that in quotes because it’s really more of a retreat for the cool kids in each state/region). I went to the classes, met new people, met a girl named Melissa I kind of liked (she ended up marrying someone later), and all the while Jesus was STILL walking beside me asking me when I was going to come back to Him 100%.
Well, Jesus kept on saying he wouldn’t give up, and he sure didn’t. The second to last night of IYC, and I thank God my mom was there to represent Washington state as a camp director…Mom and I went to the altar and I finally broke down and told her everything. I couldn’t take it anymore. Right then and there I gave my life back to Christ, 100%. I felt like I had been wearing a backpack that got heavier and heavier, and all of a sudden it just fell off and I could finally move around freely. Yvonne Hutchinson (I think she works at COGOP HQ as a secretary) and Chad Anderson (formerly from the Kirkland church) prayed for me as well, and it was awesome. I finally felt accepted by a good group of Christians, and I treasured the prayer and support they gave me.
So there you have the background info leading up to the quote I posted at the beginning of this topic. I had run from God when I knew the way, became indignant toward Him, and then when I realized I had nowhere else to go, I came back. I submitted my resignation as youth leader of Kelso COGOP…God called me away from youth ministry and I took the time instead to focus more on my personal walk with Him. I also used the time to focus on what was good about the church, and ever since then I love the Kelso COGOP and consider it my “home church,” no matter how small it is, no matter if they still sing hymnals, no matter if they have 8 people attending.
My renewed faith in Christ, and my wanting to press in and learn more, helped out so much as I officially joined the Air Force and moved away from home on November 26, 2002.
In Part 2 I will recount my experience in the military so far–friends I have met, places I have been, spiritual journeys I have taken. Also I will continue to relate how the Lord has intensified the calling He has placed on my life (remember how I said I cared about those who had been labeled as rejects, outcasts, etc?) to minister to those whom society and church has rejected.
That’s all for now. It’s 4:46 AM and time to get a few hours of shut eye. Happy Saturday!
P.S. In case you’re wondering, after IYC I had nothing to do with the Psychotic Minorities or any of the groupies. 
Links: “Walker, Texas Ranger” Lever Clips:
