The World According To Chris Brewer

Everyone–

I’m melting. So much stuff has gone on in recent weeks, most of it not so great, that I have found it difficult to handle. I can’t go into details or specifics, but I will tell you just a tiny bit so you can get a good idea.

Some of it has to do with church.
Some of it has to do with work.
Some of it has to do with friends.
Some of it has to do with the girl I have my sights set on.
It all sucks, but I’ll pull through.

All of the above has just helped (terrible use of the word help there) me reach a breaking point. Tonight I was just so overcome by the circumstances that a million thoughts ran inside my head and the only thing I could do was go outside and run two miles around our track at 11:20 PM. And yes, I did it without stopping.

And I also took my prescribed adult ADHD medication for the first time in three weeks. This is not cool.

I’ve been really trying hard to put a positive spin on everything lately, because it’s my belief that being positive about bad things helps you get through them a lot easier. But tonight was a bit too much, and I broke down and told the Lord everything.

Don’t know why, but I hurt for some stupid reason and I don’t know what it is. I’m not saying this for people to look and say “Awww, poor Chris”; actually, that’s the last thing I want. I’m just stating fact. Kinda weird for a guy who usually runs around and acts goofy, stupid and dumb all the time to actually admit this, huh?

Let me spill half of what’s going on:

• I have friends here. That’s cool. But I don’t feel as close to them as I do my friends in Washington, and I expected that. Relationships take time, but I know the Bible says that iron sharpens iron, and I’m pretty dull right now. Part of it is my fault…I haven’t been the best person and I am reaping some of what I have sown. Since most of my friends are from church, please reference below.
  
• Work’s getting better actually. Work isn’t the half of my problem.
  
• Church is okay, but I don’t get what I need out of it. Again, it’s partly my fault…I know that I need to help step out and be one to help others and be excited about the Lord, and I try. But it’s really tough when I’m going through a rough time and I don’t have anyone that I can really talk to about anyone. I guess I might have rendered myself inaccessible to others in many ways, and people in turn are withdrawing from me. Look, I know I am a loudmouthed butthole sometimes, and I say some stuff that rubs people the wrong way. But that is no reason for anyone to not reach out and help me….and I’m not just talking “I’ll pray for you, man.” I’m tired of hearing that BS, because a lot of people know good and well that when someone says they will pray for them, they forget. Instead I wish someone would take an active role and help me out day by day. There’s no one there to do that.
  
• Then there’s Stephanie. I’m confused about the whole deal with her, but I still feel awesome, weird and crazy all at the same time when I think about her. I like her a lot (and I love her to death), but I have this weird feeling that things have really gone south in the past couple of days. She’s made it clear she just wants to be friends at the moment. Smart Chris Brewer knows that he has to be a man and support her no matter what, and be there for her when she needs him. But Dumb Chris Brewer always seems to prevail, thinking that just because of this she doesn’t want to be with him PERIOD, and he’s gonna sit around and mope in a corner and voice his displeasure to everyone. Smart Chris Brewer’s finally gonna jump out of the box soon and KO Dumb Chris Brewer within the next couple of days, so this should be okay.

Pray for me, people. I need it more than ever since I moved away from home in 2002. I’m going through a rough time and haven’t even explained it all. There’s only so much that people need to know.

I could really use some help. I always had this prevailing feeling of “nobody knows my troubles but God”….but now I am openly asking for help. Any takers?

Thanks.